Dating Diaries: Episode 4
Happy Tuesday! First, let me say that several of my friends asked me before yet another upcoming first date if I was only doing it for the blog...THEREFORE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE the Taylor Swift of the blogging world: I date for my art. To all potential suitors, I’m kidding. Call me!
This Week's Date With: Casper.
This story is one for the books, mostly because it took my mental stability for a nice little ride. Little = long & scary, very scary. PS. If you haven’t figured this story is somehow about ghosting yet I’m worried.
For those of you who have stepped into the toxic dating world (that I call home) in the last five years you are familiar with the concept of ghosting. In fact, you’ve likely done it yourself to some extent if you're a sometimes sub-level human like me. For those of you who are in loving, committed, and long term relationships (gross), you probably haven't. See urban dictionary definition below:
“The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.” -Sigmund Freud (lol)
YIKES. Who else just read that and felt so shameful of their actions at some point in their dating life?
It’s okay, me too.
Onto the plot of this story. I am not too proud to admit that this one really got to me. Starting with the first date things were great. We had an insane amount in common, and at that time in my life I was going through some emotional struggles that he could relate to more than anyone I had met. We spent almost every weekend together and did our own thing on the weekdays. If you know me, you know I really value my friend time so this was a perfect balance. He also met most of my close friends here in Dallas. This information is not important to most stories, but it is to mine. Why? My best friend has only met one of the guys I’ve dated, ONE. Needless to say, it’s a big freaking deal if you’re meeting my friends... unless you happen to meet my poor roommate that scornfully watches these disasters live from the comfort of our living room, or from behind her bathroom door that she keeps slightly ajar for a more covert vantage point.
Basically the rest of our relationship looked like Sandy and Danny’s beach romance at the beginning of Grease, except in my story Danny drops off the face of the earth right before they break into “Summer Lovin”, impeccable timing. I had no idea what on earth had happened. It was seriously a mystery that not even Nancy Drew could on her best day could solve.
So, about a week goes by and I needed closure as I was driving myself and my closest friends crazy talking about it. I could not figure out what on earth had changed and I wanted answers to stop the constant repetition of the events leading up to this disappearing act going on in my head. So I said something. Of course it was in text form because it’s 2017 and no one actually talks to each other these days. What I got was crap coated in sugar (but omg I LOVE sugar).
Let me just say, the text I crafted was literally the work of Edgar Allen Poe (if he was a serial dater). It was a goodbye text. For my sake I had to officially end it, but express that I really did value our commonalities and that I had so appreciated the time we spent together. It was an out as clear as day. Did he take it? No. INFREAKINGFURIATING. He opened the window of opportunity and like a damsel in distress I waited in that window for two more weeks just batting my eyelashes and twirling my hair (btw - at this point I likely have my own pet lizard or fish, just like every noteworthy princess).
Clearly, it hurt. Circling back to what I said earlier about the shared commonalities I have to believe that’s what stung the most. People say everything happens for a reason. I’m a believer in that, and this experience further solidified the concept for me. I was going through a lot during the time of our relationship, mostly internally, and had a hard time expressing the upsets I was dealing with on a daily basis because I thought no one could relate. He could. Of course he could. LOL.
So, like all of my other stories this one comes with a highly valuable lesson. Typically it’s one I need to learn but this one was more of a reminder for me. Never allow your self assurance to come from someone else. If it does, you have to rebuild it when they’re no longer present, and that makes letting go that much harder. Always remember that despite the situations you may be going through validation should first come from within. That being said, even though this carried on for about a month longer than it should have, I’m glad it happened. It gave me more of an appreciation of what it feels like when I'm on the other side of this, and I'll likely think twice before ghosting someone in efforts to not hurt their feelings in the future. Reality of that happening? I guess just keep reading and find out. XOXO.