Dating Diaries: Episode 2
Guys, I did it! Week two of the dating diaries is live for your laughing (at me) pleasure. I also feel like I should mention that my family knows nothing of my dating life as I have kept that pretty private in the past, so hi mom & dad! As you can likely tell, you haven’t missed much.
This past weekend my best friend was in town from Miami. I decided that since he’s been the one listening to all my nonsense since I began my disaster dating career he should have the opportunity to give you guys the 411 (does anyone else hear the Disney 411 now singing in their head? No? Just me? Cool). As soon as I mentioned this idea I regretted it. As you can tell below, it’s not just me who is exceeding in the self confidence department.
“She literally just handed me the laptop and asked me to write about her dating life and I gay shrugged because, we get it you date. You’re so modern and cosmopolitan, like congrats. I haven't been on a date in literally years but I mean whatever, she gets everything.
Sidebar: The title to my (first) blog isn't a song title or an attempt at spelling out Shania’s song lyrics, hope you aren't too let down. In fact, I haven't read any of these blog things she writes yet because I live them so... forgive me. I’ve also never blogged before.. so forgive me again.
The only direction she gave me was to talk about her dating life from my perspective so here it goes, buckle up. Every other day on my 60 mile commute home from Boca to Miami I get a call from Avital where she’ll name drop like two or three new Chucks, Joes, and Martins...names withheld because I’ve misappropriated her former dates flip flops and accessories, no big deal. Thanks for the gifts boys. Avital likes mens and the mens obviously like her and I mean how could they not? She’s a gorgeous, successful, beautiful, and funny (but not as funny as me) human, and no she actually didn't pay me to say those things, I'm just an incredible friend.
Anyway enough of her. You’re probably asking yourselves how I do it? How I, a beautifully tan and successful gorgeous Miami socialite manage Avital and her dating life? Truth is, I am the worst best friend because honestly, I mute the phone and leave it unattended while she tells me about the Chad’s and Nick's and Barry's in her life that day. I don't micromanage (because honestly why should I, and how COULD I) and because of my selflessness you now have this blog so you can laugh at her with me (do it, it's fun).
Second Sidebar: it's honestly embarrassing if you're not following me on Instagram so just go ahead and save yourself, @tonydefelice. Also hot guys go ahead and just DM me and we can tell our children (aka dogs because children are just fire pits of money) how we met and we won't have to lie about it "not" being on Grindr.
In conclusion, you’re welcome; truly, honestly. My lack of control over the slow-motion train wreck (sure to be a smash movie someday) has provided you with these reading opportunities. Again, you’re welcome.”
That’s enough of that. CLEARLY the above has been dramatized for your viewing pleasure. The good thing is that I now know if I were to suddenly leave this earth there would be another equally as fit drama queen to step in and take my place. I’ll sleep a little easier tonight with that peace of mind, thanks Tony! Also, for those of you wondering who the handsome specimen writing this piece looks like, see below. Ow, OW amiright? Until next time, XOXO.